HEADLINES

Voyager news in Rueters-Variety
by Cronan Thompson

        In Variety today it was announced at a joint PBS/UPN press
conference that several Sesame Street characters would be involved in
the first ever Muppet/Star Trek crossover. Apparently due to Voyager's
sagging rating and PBS' funding problems the show will center around
some sort of conflict. Jeri Taylor is reported to have said," Mulgrew
and Ms. Piggy are likely to play sisters. Their onscreen and onset
chemistry was clear to all of us." She went on to say that several times
Mulgrew was mistakenly packed in Ms Piggy's box and hauled back to
Henson Studios. "It was embarassing of course," adds a befuddled
Beltran, "several times I found myself wondering a loud which acted more
like a styrofoam puppet."
        "We have got some spectacular effects planned for this episode,"
noted Rick Berman, the show's Executive Producer,"In one scene Piggy and
Janeway wrestle in hotoil while nude CGI statues writhe in the
background." When asked why they were writhing Mr. Berman became livid,"
Who the hell knows. Statues always write in Science Fiction. Remember
_Gamera, Gaurdian of the Earth_?"
        Bunsen and Beaker have been said to be very interested in the
shuttle production process. Said Beeker, "Bebebeep, beeeppoeedeeop." I
think that about sums up all our questions on that nebulous issue. The
Swedish Chef is rumored to have a scene with Neelix. This validty of
this rumor has been placed in doubt after several studies showing that
children under the age of 12 were afraid of Neelix.  Plans for Kermit D.
Frog to appear were scrapped after his recent run in with LAPD officers
during which he was charged with a DUI and Indecent Exposure. Apparently
he was licking himself.
        Industry insiders indicate that Voyager may be attempting to
draw in younger viewers who are flocking to books for the first time
after watching Voyager. Several of the producers have hinted, off the
record, that Elmo, the most popular Sesame Street character, will
replace the Ensign Harry Kim (played by Garrett Wang). The buzz is that
since Tickle Me Elmo outsold the Harry Kim figure 1000 to 1 last
Christmas the kiddies will tune in.

- The Disassociated Press