FIRST OFFICER'S LOG

        In this weeks First Officers Log I am going to
introduce myself. You all know me as the stable calm
capable commander of the Roddenberry. But what you
don't know is the really interesting stuff. So here
goes a breif
overveiw of my take on life the universe and
everything.
        First of all there is my family. It is very
hard to be "normal" When your house is a a giant sitcom
waiting to happen. Me, my mother, my 2 brothers, my
sister, and our 2 foster children occupy my home most
of the time. I say most of the time because the
population has a tendancy to jump
up to 12 when my brothers and sister have friends over.
Well to be fair there are really 15 if you count both
dogs and the cat who think they are human anyway. The
cat looks suspiciously like a dog and is quite fond of
drinking the milk out of your cereal bowl in
midspoonful. Our dogs have been
known to force there way into the car and refuse to get
out until you take them somwhere (preferably with a
drive-thru). Every meal requires intricate negotiations
with my mom as to what I am willing to pay. My
grandmother, who lived with us until recently, is
Jamaican. She is almost entirly positive that
everything Jamaican is 5-10 times the size of its
American counterpart. For example she is constantly
regailing me with facts about the size of Jamaican
shrimp which, by her accounts, can feed a family of 6
each. Then there are my brothers who believe
wholeheartedly that Star Trek is evil and MTV is the
only source of true knowledge in the universe. My
sister has gotten over Barney and the Power Rangers
only to decide that she is queen god of the galaxy.
        Then there is religion. I find religion an
interesting concept but not one to live by. I just
really can't get in to this worship of an almighty
being stuff. Not only that but for the most part it is
dull. There are only so many times that you can here
about this big flood and a floating zoo and have it be
interesting. And if there is a God he is either on
vacation or having a really long nap cause he sure
hasn't made an appearance anytime recently.
        Then there is life in general. Life never
ceases to get me down because if how incredibly much of
other people ignore. Here are some examples of the
things that either piss me off or get me laughing until
I see how incredibly sad they are. Natural disasters,
for example, although incredibly distructive, are
source of never ending humor for me. For example: Every
year during tornado season in the Midwestern United
States causes a terrible loss of property and life. But
year after year on television they have the same group
of people they had last year. You know the ones, they
married their sister and have a collection of spray
cheese
containers, walking around in their destroyed trailer
park and looking dumb founded with a finger lodged five
to six inches into some orifice even, though the exact
same thing has been happening for the last 15 years.
Then their are the flood "victims". These people get a
20 room 5000sq. ft. house for five dollars and then
when it floods are incredulous at the sight their home
sinking beneath the waves.
        I have solved the reason why men and women
don't get along. Has to do with the basic wants. In
women the basic want is to find one man to satisfy her
every want and need. Whereas in men it is to get every
women to satisfy his one want and need.
        I am depressed even when I am happy. This is
because I am convinced that somewhere else someone is
doing the exact same thing I am and having alot more
fun. For example, when I am watching a sitcom no matter
how much I enjoy it, someone else is laughing
hystertically at it. Now you see why I am sooooo
depressed. PS This thought probably made you happy but
I am still depresssed so you had a better time thinking
it than I did. I told you so.
        This log may have had little to do with Trek
but it sure was interesting wasn't it?

37.Always wear clean
underwear when beaming
aboard an alien mothership.
Capt. Cronan Thompson