FIRST OFFICER'S LOG

As follows are a list of reasons why I should be
Voyager's head writer:

1. I am 17. This in and of itself proves that I am more
mature than Voyager's writers whose collective maturity
equals that of most 10 year-olds.
2. In spite of the fact that I have never gotten an "A"
in a Language class I am more articulate than most of
Voyager's writers, including Jeri Taylor who majored in
English.
3. I have recently begun an underwear collection. This
proves that I, in my hobbies, am more creative than the
writers in thier chosen profession.
4. I am a high school student. This accomplishment is
held in greater esteem than writing for Voyager.
5. Nothing I have ever written has ever caused anyone
to seriously contemplate suicide and/or homocide.
6. No matter how poorly spelled, badly worded or just
plain stupid anything I might post is it is never
edited, censored or otherwise altered by a third class
network whose best show revolves around ex-Huxtable.
7. I stopped babbling when I was 3. Voyager's writers
put it in scripts and broadcast it on national TV.
8. On my shoulder lives a little blue elf who goes by
the name Norman. He often faints whenever I watch
Voyager; proving even my imaginary friends have more
taste than Voyager's writers.
9. What I write is *intentionally* funny and intended
for ridicule.
10. I never have, and never would, force some innocent
and unexpecting network to waste 108 million dollars,
over some 60 attempts, on poorly rated, critically
panned peices of garbage. I did however ask my mom to
get me an AOL account which is a waste of 20.00.
11. I gained control of my hormones after I finished
puberty.
12. What I write is often viewed as being racist,
sexist and/or homophobic yet I have managed to offend
fewer people than Voyager.

Capt. Cronan Thompson
maliki@worldnet.att.net