Four Star Trek Top Ten Lists

(Cronan Thompson and Brendan Dillon)


Top Ten things you'll never hear Kirk say:

10. "Really, I'd like to sleep with you, but you're just not my type"
9. "You know, I always found pointy ears to be irresistably sexy"
8. "Klingons? AAAAHHHHHH!"
7. "I just love those Tribbles"
6. Anything without pausing every five seconds
5. "A condom?! I ain't wearing no stinking condom!"
4. "Damn those blue squishy guys! They get all the women!"
3. "Is it just me or are those Hortas damn attractive?"
2. "Uhura and Chekov, how 'bout a threesome?"

And the number one thing you'll never hear Kirk say....
1. "So..... wanna show me why they call you Bones?"


Top Ten things you'll never hear Picard say:

10. "Long Live Emperor Palpatine"
9. "I love you, man!" [to Q]
8. "I need some hair tonic, Mr. Mot"
7. "Counselor, why don't you put on that tight leather outfit"
6. "Everybody...... let's limbo!"
5. "My pee-pee hurts"
4. "You think you're gettng MY job? Yeah right!" [to Riker]
3. "Doctor, come to my ready room, I...... have a slight stiffness that I'm sure that you can alleviate"
2. "You're not nice"

And the number one thing you'll never hear Picard say.....
1. "Vingee, vingee, vingee"


Top Ten things you'll never hear Sisko say:

10. "We might as well give up now"
9. "Let's get some Bugs Bunny on the viewscreen"
8. "Major, have I ever told you how nice your butt is?"
7. "Please don't hurt me, I'm only three and a half years old"
6. "Sure the Jem'Hadar are mean, ugly, and all-around not nice guys, but hey, they sure can dress"
5. "Kiss my ass"
4. "Let's all play nice with the Klingons"
3. "So you got knocked up a bit, huh, Major?"
2. "Hey Dax, can I touch your thingies? Huh huh."

And the number one thing you'll never hear Sisko say.....
1. "I surrender"


Top Ten things you'll never hear Janeway say :

10. "Paris, Kim, Chakotay, Tuvok, all of you meet me in my quarters"
9. "Kes, I've got this itch that only you can scratch"
8. Anything above a whisper
7. Anything coherent
6. "Open fire"
5. "Tuvok, when you go into Pon Farr, I'm here for you"
4. "........Or whenever"
3. "Die, rebel scum!"
2. "So who stole all of Neelix's leola root?"

And the number one thing you'll never hear Janeway say.....
1. Anything cool


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